FIRST DATE TIPS

Hello Lads Gents and soon to be Gentlemen today we are talking about

First Date Tips To Make Your Date Great

1. Choose the Right First Date Location

The location you choose sets the tone for your date. Unless you already know what types of activities your date likes, it’s best pick a neutral, low-pressure place where you can focus on getting to know each other and figuring out how well you connect.

The last thing you want to do is go to a nice restaurant and discover before your food even has been brought out that you two don’t ‘click’ and it’s not going to work. In this scenario, you’re stuck for the rest of the meal anyway. Can somebody say ‘Awkward’?

Instead of dinner and a movie, suggest trying a local bar or a hip new coffee shop instead. The casual environment serves as a convenient space to have an engaging conversation without the pressure of dressing fancy or buying an expensive meal.

If it feels uncomfortable, you can leave after the first drink. Or better, you hit it off and you have the freedom to continue your date for as long as you both like.

Plus, the bustle of people around you is enough to make extroverts feel at home. Their brains thrive in busy environments without overwhelming introverts who prefer more intimate settings.

2. Prepare for an Engaging Conversation

If you’re quiet or have social anxiety, the most nerve-wracking part of going on a first date is trying to have an engaging conversation with someone you barely know. Luckily, psychologists have discovered some keys to the perfect dating conversations.

Studies show that if you’re going on a date, with a woman especially, you should forget the cheesy pick-up lines and opt for an interesting conversation starter instead. Women tend to rate empty compliments and failed attempts at humor poorly. They are more attracted to dates who spark conversation topics that show they are curious, intelligent and cultured.

Don’t know how to do that? Northwestern University Psychology Professor Dan McAdams studied what it takes to truly get to know someone. He created a list of thirty-six questions guaranteed to help you understand people on a deeper level.

Here are three great ones to use on a first date:

• Given the choice of anyone in the world, who would you want as a dinner guest?
• What’s your most treasured memory?
• What would constitute a perfect day for you?

Feel free to change the phrasing of these so they sound natural to you.

Also, the key to a successful conversation in any context, but especially when you’re trying to wow someone, is reciprocity. When someone shares something about themselves or asks you a question, always reply back by sharing a similar story or asking them the same question. It’s polite and keeps the conversation equal.

3. Get Your Mind Right

One of the most important things to do before a date starts and before you leave the house is getting your mind right. While you can’t control chemistry, compatibility, or attraction, you can make sure you’re mentally ready if they happen.

You’ve gotta get your mind right before a date.

If we enter into a date feeling unworthy or defeated, those feelings will carry throughout the night. And no matter how much someone likes us and even shows us their feelings, it won’t be enough to break through our own self doubt. This is why it’s so important to practice self-compassion before a date (or every day, really).

If the mere mention of self-compassion made your eyes roll, I get it. It’s easier said than done. Sometimes it sounds too fluffy to be a worthy endeavor. However, it’s been proven that practicing self-compassion can have a tangible impact on our lives.

In a study on the role of self-compassion in romantic relationships, Kristin D. Neff and Natasha Beretvas explain what self-compassion really is:

“Neff (2003b) has defined self-compassion (SC) as consisting of three main components: self-kindness versus self-judgment, common humanity versus isolation, and mindfulness versus over-identification.”

Neff and Beretvas then go on to unpack some interesting details about how it can work:

“Rather than focusing on one’s separate, individual self, compassion involves recognizing that all humans fail and make mistakes, that all life experiences are necessarily flawed and imperfect. Rather than feeling cut off and isolated from others when things go wrong, SC actually facilitates feelings of connection to others in times of failure or difficulty (Neff, 2003a; Neff, Kirkpatrick, & Rude, 2007).”

And for one of the most important components, Neff and Beretvas go on to explain how to engage in self-compassion:

“SC entails a balanced, ‘mindful’ response to suffering that neither suppresses difficult emotions nor ruminates on them (Tirch, 2010). Rather than running away with the storyline of one’s problems and shortcomings in an overly dramatic fashion, SC involves maintaining balanced awareness of painful life experiences, acknowledging them just as they are in the present moment.”

So, what does this mean for you as you prepare for a big date? Practicing self-compassion can help you to stop ruminating on previous dating experiences that didn’t go well. It means you can understand that everyone is frustrated by dating and relationships sometimes. It means that any fear or trepidation you feel prior to a date isn’t a sign of something being wrong with you, but rather an awareness of a feeling we all deal with from time to time. In fact, these experiences are things that connect us all.

Embrace the fear. Allow yourself to hope for something great. And get ready to just have fun.

4. Learn From the Past

If you’re having a hard time getting past bad dating experiences, focus on what you can learn from them rather than dwelling on the negativity. Did you engage in unkind or unfair behaviors on your dates? Is there anything you could have done to improve past situations?

Eric Ravenscraft, writer at Lifehacker, endured one too many bad dates and realized he had the power to create better experiences. He talks about making sure you’re bringing something to the table (rather than always expecting something from others first), learning to understand jealousy and more.

Take a look back at your previous dating experiences. What could they possibly indicate about you? Remember, this isn’t an exercise in self-defeat, it’s a chance to do some research and adopt behaviors that show your best self — the you that you hope your date will see. You have the power to put your best foot forward no matter what happened in the past! All you have to do is:

5. Take a Deeper Look at How You Present Yourself

Understanding the way you present yourself (and thus how others may perceive you) is important both before and during a date. In fact, if you’re venturing into online dating, then the “before” stage is extremely important.

Stylist Clinton Kelly and dating expert Devyn Simone address this every week on their show, Love at First Swipe. On the show, Kelly and Simone evaluate someone’s online profile and enable the person to understand the vibe they’re giving off. More often than not, the person being profiled is shocked — never having realized that the vibe they intended to give was nowhere near what people actually were receiving.

This can happen to any of us. Just like on the show, one of the best things to do is seek outside help. Ask your friends to give you their honest perception of your online profile — or how you put yourself together in real life — and consider the “why” behind the feedback. Why do you think they have the impression they do? Why do you think that impression does or doesn’t match up to what you intended? Why do you hope to give off the kind of impression you’re going for — and does it match who you really are on the inside?

Whether it’s the words you use to describe yourself online, the pictures you post, or the way you dress, it’s important to understand the entire picture of what you’re putting out there. Is that picture truly your best self?